desperate...

I have been spending time in the book of John in the mornings. It's really nice to go back and read the first complete book I read through as a new Christ-follower. I remember the book overwhelmed me, and as I have committed to reading through it again this month I remember why.

I was just reading in chapter 6 where Jesus feeds the 5000. Man, what a miracle... It was just something that sounds like a crazy story, but it really happened. Then he tops it off with this walking on water stunt! I mean Jesus is really making it hard not to follow Him. But then he does something weird...

He goes into this crazy vampire/zombie-esque (my interpretation) story about eating his flesh and drinking his blood. He says "Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day." What? I read it again. What? Why the heck is he teaching like this? Isn't Jesus supposed to be helping people take their next step toward Him? Why the harsh allegory?

Even the disciples were grumbling about this (v61). Also at this point many disciples walked away... Well that helped the kingdom... Way to build the church Jesus...

I watch the crowds walk away... dejected... dissapointed... I look back at Jesus thinking, "why are you letting them walk away?" I look back at the disciples with their heads and shoulders slumped...

Wait...

I missed it...

Jesus is asking for desperate measures. He is talking about the unthinkable to break us of our notions of who we think He is.... Let's be honest, I mean, are we desperate for God or what He can do for us? What if he asks of us the impossible? Does that change our mind? Do we say, "Wait Jesus, don't go there." ?

Desperate...

Jesus looks to Peter and says, do you want to leave too? Peter says, "Lord, to whom shall we go?..."

I have no other way to turn in my life right now. Christ is showing me a path of where he wants me to go that is very similar to eating His flesh and drinking His blood. This calling is messy, difficult and impossible. In fact, I can't do it. But I am more desperate for Him than I am desperate for my life to make sense. I am so desperate for Him because I know that I can't follow Him unless He draws me and that humbles me beyond any kind of measure... Desperate...

Where will I go? Who has the words of eternal life? Who is the bread of life?

only Jesus...

Humbly I am desperate...